Category: Onwards and Upwards

Onwards and Upwards No. 33

Hello my healing team,

I hope this update finds you well.

It has been a while since I posted my last update. The main reason for the gap is that I really haven’t had too much to report relating to my health and I haven’t felt inclined to update you just for the sake of it. I tend not to write unless I have something authentic to share. My last bone marrow biopsy was in May, and since this time, I am assuming that my cancer has been simmering away in the background, doing what it does, all the while I am getting on and doing what I do. To be honest, I don’t give a crap what the cancer is doing at the moment. I am too busy having fun.

My focus for the last month has been on living!! I have worked hard and I have played hard with some rest in between. Sarah, Riley, Georgia and I have taken a much deserved holiday. We have been lucky enough to come to Bali, sharing the experience with one of my high school buddies and his family. It has been an amazing cultural experience, and a very relaxing one too. We stayed in the busy town of Seminyak where the beach, bars, shops and markets are most prominent. Now we are enjoying Ubud, a slower more relaxed mountainous region where good food and pampering is a priority. Next is Nusa Lembongan where I understand that relaxation and beach activities will be on the cards. They have a dive spot there where you dive with Manta Rays!! It’s a bucket list item ready to be struck off the list. What I have appreciated the most is that I have actually slowed to the point where I can stop and appreciate the look and smell of flowers. I am grateful to have the opportunity to stop, enjoy, appreciate and absorb the many fantastic sights, sounds, smells and experiences.

Whilst I am busy living life, I am proud to say that I have starved my cancer of my attention. Cancer will always be a voice in my mind, but recently I have banished it. Exiled to being a tiny little voice with little influence over my day to day contentment. I appreciate that as it grows, the voice may become more prominent, but for now, I am listening to the sweet music of my own voices playing in my mind as opposed to the a obnoxious beat of the cancer drum.

What are the voices playing in your mind? Are they obnoxious and stress building, or harmonious and mind expanding? You do have control over the voices that gain prominence in your head. You just have to choose which to listen to and act accordingly.

Take care

Geoff

Onwards and Upwards No. 32

Hello my healing team,

I hope this update finds you well.

I am comforted when I reflect on the fact that it has been 5 months since my last bone marrow biopsy, and I have not had any significant treatment for my myeloma since August 2014. A whole 21 months.  Whilst I have been a regular pedestrian in the hospital, I feel fortunate that the treatment I receive is manageable.

Last week I had another bone marrow biopsy.  The cancer cells measured in my pelvis have gone up from 4.2 to 4.9%.  This is another pretty good result showing a slow down from the doubling in numbers that was previously occurring.  Whilst this had me a little excited, I was quickly brought to earth by the fact that my neutrophils (white blood cells that are effectively my immune system) have been consistently dropping over the past 10 months. Normally, your neutrophils would be expected to be 2-3. Mine are 0.9 which is significantly low.  We are not certain why this is occurring, however, as the cancer becomes more prevalent it displaces my bone marrow and reduces my bodies ability to produce good blood.  Whilst I am ok at the moment, if this reduction continues, my immune system will become compromised and I will be susceptible to infection. Bloody great hey!!  It seems I may be on a slippery slope towards my next stage of intense treatment.

So how do I mange myself going forward??  Whilst I am not really sure what the next six months look like, I have made one definitive decision.  I will say YES………..

I was recently listening to a TED talk given by Shonda Rhimes, a very successful TV executive.  Whilst she was extraordinarily successful, she came to a point in her career where she hast lost her ‘humm’ or her mojo.   She found she was becoming automated in what she did.  She was drawn out of this situation by her kids who were seemingly starved of parental attention.  She found that she got her ‘humm’ back by shelving her own self importance, reprioritising her life, and saying YES to her kids.  Actually, she set aside one whole year and said YES to them every time that they wanted her time. She rewired and improved her life and in turn, reinvigorated her career.

I am going to take a leaf out of Shonda’s book.  I will say YES and prioritise.

• I will say yes when my kids ask for me to come and play
• I will say yes when Sarah needs me to be present (or for a hug)
• I will say yes to initiatives that help my community
• I will say yes when I receive an opportunity to connect with people, both those I know, and those I don’t

I will say YES.

It is not going to be easy to say YES all of the time. I may even slip up occaisionally.  However, I expect that the more I say yes, the happier I will be, the happier the people around me will be, and I will use this positive energy to smooth out the challenging bumps that lie in the road ahead.

Who do you need to say YES to in order to bring happiness and priority into your life??

Take care

Geoff

Onwards and Upwards No. 31

Hello my healing team,

I hope this update finds you well.

As I navigate my cancer journey, and reach out to people as I do, I often encounter people who say to me “you are so positive” and go on to describe how “being positive helps you overcome your disease”.  For me, it is nice to receive the compliment and it’s nice to see that others recognise my forward looking approach to life. However, when I think about positivity, it’s not all that it is made out to be. In my opinion, positivity can be a facade. You can easily exude positivity in front of others, and they will believe it, especially if they don’t know you well. You can wear positivity like a jacket, only for it to be stripped away when you are by yourself and vulnerable to the negative voices in your head.  On this basis, I wonder how beneficial positivity really is?? Whilst I acknowledge that being positive helps, will it really help me overcome my disease?  I don’t think it will………

Belief is what I rely on to get me over the line.  Belief is not a facade for others. It is within your core. It is part of you that can be tested, but not easily stripped away. If you truly believe, whilst the demons are screaming at you in your head, you can be unwavering in striving towards your goal. So what do I believe??

• I believe that I am doing the things necessary to help my mind and my body to fight cancer.
• I believe that I have the right people around me to provide love, support, sage advice and knowledge.
• I believe that I can overcome the challenges that come before me.
• I believe that I will live deliberately, achieve my goals and complete my bucket list items (only to make another bucket list).
• I believe that I will live into my 80s.

Belief by definition is the acceptance that something exists or is true, especially without proof.  I have acceptance that I will overcome my disease, even though there is no definitive proof.  In time, I will be the proof.

Do you believe you will achieve your goals??

Take care

Geoff

Onwards and Upwards No. 30

Hello my healing team,

I hope this update finds you well.

There is not much to report at the moment on the health front other than all is going quite well. Fatigue proves limiting, but I am thankful that it is manageable.   Last week,  I was talking with my amazingly supportive sister in-law, Corinne.  We were on holidays in Sydney and preparing for my youngest brothers wedding.  We were talking of how I juggle my time and my priorities and I reflected that I often feel guilty about how I manage myself, my time and my priorities.

Since being diagnosed with Myeloma, I have had to look at all aspects of my life and implement much change.  This includes my diet, my priorities, my daily routine, and especially, I changed by adopting a deliberate approach to life.  I have made these changes so that my mind and body is at its strongest to fight the cancer, and so that I give myself the best chance of living to the happy age of 80. However, occasionally I lapse. I eat crap food, I don’t exercise enough, I get distracted from my priorities, I fall back into my old ways, I relax.  When this happens, whilst it is normal for all of us, I feel guilty.  That feeling of guilt, can materialise as anxiety, with a shortness of breath and a knot in the belly.  The reason why I get that feeling of guilt is because if I am not constantly doing everything possible to stay strong, I may not get to 80.

Guilt and the associated anxiety can be detrimental.  In the past, there has been times when I have been overwhelmed by it and it has stopped me in my tracks.  Now, I treat guilt in a similar manner to all of my other challenges.  I acknowledge the feeling of guilt and I expose the way it makes me feel.  I talk about it to those close to me, after all, a problem shared is a problem halved.  Also, by sharing the challenge, I get to test whether the guilt I am feeling is justified.  If it is not, then I can brush it aside.  If the guilt is justified, then I treat that feeling as an alarm bell.  An alarm bell that wakes me from my assumed comfort, and reminds me that if I want to live to the age of 80, I cannot relax.  I have to eat well and exercise, I have to prioritise my family, I have to live deliberately.  I must stay strong.

Do you feel the anxiety of not doing enough??  If so, acknowledge it, share it with those close to you to test if it is real, then act.

Take care

Geoff

Onwards and Upwards No 29

Hello my healing team,

I hope this update finds you well.

It has been a relatively busy couple of weeks for me.  Following my last bone marrow biopsy result, which was quite positive, I had a bone scan. The scan was to assess whether there were any tumours in other bones away from the biopsy site. This week, my Doctor – the Nutty Professor,  sent me a simple text with the message “all clear”.  Well said Nutty!! I couldn’t have said it better myself!  Although my numbers are rising slowly, I have no hidden tumours, so it’s time for living.

Back in 2014, after my stem cell transplant, I set myself a goal to share my experiences, learnings and thoughts as far and wide as I could so that I might inspire others to embrace wellness and live deliberately.  I set this goal because of the simple statistic that 50% of the population will be diagnosed with cancer at some stage in their life (according to WHO)!!  Whilst this stat staggers me, I am reassured by the fact that 1/3 of all cancers are preventable. I want to inspire as many people as possible to strive to modify their lifestyle so that they can fall on the right side of that 50% by making changes that will help them prevent cancer and other diseases.

This week I have had the chance to realise that goal again as I was invited to Brisbane to deliver a presentation to nearly 400 people, talking about how to become empowered from a position of adversity, and how to embrace deliberate living. I am always a little nervous before talking. It is quite hard to put myself in the position where I am totally vulnerable, talking intimately of the challenges that my family and I face.  However, as has always been the case, I was warmly received and the feedback given to me was abundantly positive.  I am making a difference. It is an amazing feeling.

As I am confronted with a terminal disease, I occasionally think about how I want to be remembered when I pass (after I turn 80). What will be my legacy.  Some of the things I want to be remembered for include:

• Being a caring father and husband.
• Being active within my community by connecting socially, being a good friend and supporting those around me to be the best they can be.
• I want to have contributed to society in a meaningful way, both in my career and in support of the charity organisations that I believe in.
• I want to have provided support to those who experience adversity, and conduct myself in a manner that demonstrates to those people that you can become empowered, embrace change and live deliberately when times are difficult.

I believe that if you can articulate your legacy and work towards it, you are more likely to achieve it.

What’s your legacy???

Take care

Geoff