It’s hard not to waiver

 Hello my healing team,

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!! I hope this update finds you well!!

 I hope this update finds you well!! Since my last update, I feel that we have lived well. We were fortunate enough to travel over to Europe on holiday where we saw many amazing things and spent time with fab friends. At home we have been busy with the kids finishing school for the year, we survived a crazy Christmas with lots of connection and socialising, and I have even been learning to play golf, albeit restricted to rounds of 9 holes as limited by my fatigue. Having done all of this, and with my cancer levels low, I feel as though I have had a little ‘cancer holiday’. I’ve appreciated it and am grateful. 

Sadly, that holiday is now over. Its confirmed the cancer is on its way back up. Advice in late December from my doctor suggests, “we don’t have to act over Christmas!! Early January will be fine”. Awesome 😳😳😞🤕!!!! So my doctor says that I have several options:

1) Fingers Crossed Option – another dose of cells from my brother. However, this time I have no data on efficacy, and we would just be hoping my bro’s cells attack the cancer and don’t attack me.

2) The $$$$$ Option – Source a drug called Daratumamab from the pharmaceutical company Janssen at a cost of $10-30k a month. Ideally cocktail it with other drugs but I may have to pay for them too at an additional $10k a month. 

3) Waiting Game Option – wait for the cancer to get really high so some PBS (government) funded drug becomes an option.

Happy days.

I have recently sought a second opinion and it seems the best option is the $$$$$ Option, however, the costs are crippling. There is a glimpse of hope that I may be able to get access to these drugs at a significantly reduced cost, perhaps even free, so I am sitting here with legs, fingers, toes, hair and eyes crossed!! Being confronted with an ongoing monthly bill of between $10-30k is frikkin ludicrous!! I know many people are in the sad position where they have to navigate this, but WOW!! I have a renewed empathy. Not only does one have to deal with the mind cramp that comes with having a terminal cancer, but to also throw in that you could lose your livelihood as well….. gimme a break!! The real kicker is that there is no promises that the drugs will work!! It kills me to think that there are people out there that have lost their homes to this scenario, and in some instances, then died from their disease soon after.  

Being honest, thoughts of $$$$ isn’t what’s keeping me awake at night. I know I’ll find a way there!! What has me quite scared is that I am following the statistical case studies whereby I am gone before my 50th birthday. As a 45yo, it’s freaking me out. All the things I would miss, and all of those that would miss me. I am finding it harder to say with confidence that I will dance the funky chicken at my 80th birthday!! I am finding it harder to stay unwaveringly positive, and to believe. I just haven’t seen the evidence for me reaching 80, but have seen the evidence of young loss!! Please know that I don’t share these thoughts and experiences for sympathy, more so for your understanding and so you have a glimpse into this reality. Please also know that whilst I do waiver, I will (with your support) find a way to remain positive and to believe. What else is there?? 

Take care

Geoff

Edit: I expect to know in a week how much the drugs that I need will cost.