Post Stem Cell Transplant No. 3
Hello my healing team,
I hope this update finds you well.
Picture yourself in this scenario. You set off on a big audacious journey. It has great challenges along the way, but you embark on your way because you firmly believe that this journey will lead you to a highly desirable place. A place that makes you happy. The path you walk has many obstacles which slow your progress. It is slippery so you fall along the way. Sometimes it gets dark and cold which makes you feel uncomfortable. Much of it is up hill. However, you march on feeling motivated and a little excited of what it will be like when you reach your dreamy destination!! If you look into the distance ahead of you, you think you can see your happy place up on the horizon. It looks beautiful. Your journey takes a long time. Many years in fact. You are tired, bruised and have a few travel scars but you continue on!! The destination drives you.
As you walk, you realise that happy place on the horizon isn’t actually getting closer. You feel confused. That confusion leads you to be more observant of your immediate surroundings. You look around only to realise that you are not on a path at all. You are actually walking on a treadmill, whereby you haven’t progressed, but are still in the same place as where you started from. Is your destination a mirage’?? Who knows.
Now you know how I feel.
Yesterday I received my latest results. I felt excited when my Dr, the Nutty Professor, told me that I have 95% Dan’s immune system and only 5% left of mine. Under this scenario, my new immune system has the best chance of fighting the cancer. Winning!!! Next he told me that my cancer has gone up. It is now sitting at 4.5%, up from 1.5%. F&ck, F&ck, F&ck!! It is seriously back.
I set off on this journey just over two years ago and I feel as though I am on a treadmill walking through challenging circumstances towards a dreamy destination that is no closer. Sure there has been happy times, positivity and optimism along the way. But I am not where I want to be.
It’s a pretty crappy situation simply because, with current modern medicine, we have a limited number of goes at knocking this cancer into long term remission. It is only with long term remission that I will make the age of 80. Despite having a couple of attempts, I have never achieved such a remission, or any real holiday from the cancer. This scares me.
One consolation I can take from my journey is that lining every path I walk, I know that I have amazingly dedicated supporters cheering and supporting me. It certainly helps me continue to walk the path knowing that if I get tired or slip, that you will be there to pick me up. Thank you.
Take care.
Geoff
Hi Geoff, I have been following your blog since you visited GHD in Brisbane a long time ago. You are very brave sharing your journey so honestly. Your determination is an inspiration for us all. You have a great team around you. As we would say in NZ Kia Kaha (be strong and persevere). You are in or prayers. Cheers Mike P
Right back at you mate – indeed, you have amazingly dedicated supporters cheering and supporting you constantly – a team is the sum of all its parts and in yours, it’s HUGE as you have all of us – yes, you may be tired (and over it at times) but we’ll be there to pick you up in whatever way we can – xxE
Sometimes you can not only be on a treadmill but fall on your arse and get shot backwards. At these times the goal may be hard to see through the mist of dispair and pain; that’s when you bring that vision back close to those beautiful people that are around you and supporting you along the way. The fog is there and while it is spot the beauty through the fog, feel the love. You have great friends and a really special family, in the last couple of years you have been able to share the highs and lows with but importantly have so much quality genuine time with. Some people get caught up with unimportant crap and miss out on that wonderful experience of that communication, time and love. I’ve had a turn for the worse with my health and am unable to work and I think of you daily when the blackness is not too bad, and when others say how bad I’ve got it I quote a wise mate of mine and say oh well “onwards and upwards” and feel inspired thinking of you even if at the time the plane I’m on is in a nose dive toward the ground, I know it will eventually take off again but while I’m here I want to take in all the special things even when they are hard to spot and hard to feel. Love ya, Pete