Post Stem Cell Transplant No. 3 – Update 6
Hello my healing team,
I hope this update finds you well.
Straight up, I am feeling frustrated. Held back. Limited. Quarantined. Damaged. Sore. I often feel as though I can’t take a win and it takes its toll on me.
I started the month feeling good. Everything was under control and generally heading in the right direction. I was set to take a trip with my bro to China. I was content in my space.
Frustration 1 – I had a meeting with the Nutty Professor last week to get some results. Dan’s cells are coming up slowly, rising from 72 to 75%. Ok. Good. The cancer is creeping back, increasing from 0.6 to 0.9%. Crap. It’s a mixed report that delivers mixed feelings. I just cannot have this Stem Cell Transplant not work. It not working means that I am two strikes down!! Not only does that suck……it is a little scary too!! We have to banish the cancer!!
Frustration 2 – At Easter, I strained my foot, aggravating a past injury. After hobbling around for a few months waiting for it to settle down, X-rays show I have broken a bone in my foot and now have suck up the pain and inconvenience to wear a moon boot for the next month. Arrgghhh. Surgery will need to follow at some point but I need to wait for my Myeloma to sort itself out first. I can’t afford to divert my healing from my cancer.
Frustration 1 + 2 = 3 – i can’t go to China, I cant run or ride, I hobble when I walk, I am often in pain, my cancer is coming back, my SCT hasn’t worked yet to combat the cancer, the cancer stops me from living a normal life in that I haven’t worked for a long time, I often cannot do and miss out on things I want to do and I sometimes struggle with motivation doing enough purposeful things to keep the demons in my head quiet.
AARRRGGGHHHHHHH
It all just gives me the shits………. oh and the side effects that I do have from the stem cell transplant effects my digestive tract so I literally have the shits!! AAARRRGGHHH. It is so frikkin frustrating.
So. What to do?????
Gratitude – I am grateful to be alive. I have an amazing family. My friends are there for me. I reflect and smile because of the great aspects of my life.
Purpose – I go to the pillars of happiness tool. I look at where I am now, identify things I can work towards that will make me (and my family) happy and I start walking in that direction.
F$&k you cancer – in spite of my cancer setbacks and my broken foot, I start (re) planning a trip to China.
Onwards and Upwards.
Take care
Geoff
