Post Stem Cell Transplant No. 3
Hello my healing team,
I hope this update finds you well.
Picture yourself in this scenario. You set off on a big audacious journey. It has great challenges along the way, but you embark on your way because you firmly believe that this journey will lead you to a highly desirable place. A place that makes you happy. The path you walk has many obstacles which slow your progress. It is slippery so you fall along the way. Sometimes it gets dark and cold which makes you feel uncomfortable. Much of it is up hill. However, you march on feeling motivated and a little excited of what it will be like when you reach your dreamy destination!! If you look into the distance ahead of you, you think you can see your happy place up on the horizon. It looks beautiful. Your journey takes a long time. Many years in fact. You are tired, bruised and have a few travel scars but you continue on!! The destination drives you.
As you walk, you realise that happy place on the horizon isn’t actually getting closer. You feel confused. That confusion leads you to be more observant of your immediate surroundings. You look around only to realise that you are not on a path at all. You are actually walking on a treadmill, whereby you haven’t progressed, but are still in the same place as where you started from. Is your destination a mirage’?? Who knows.
Now you know how I feel.
Yesterday I received my latest results. I felt excited when my Dr, the Nutty Professor, told me that I have 95% Dan’s immune system and only 5% left of mine. Under this scenario, my new immune system has the best chance of fighting the cancer. Winning!!! Next he told me that my cancer has gone up. It is now sitting at 4.5%, up from 1.5%. F&ck, F&ck, F&ck!! It is seriously back.
I set off on this journey just over two years ago and I feel as though I am on a treadmill walking through challenging circumstances towards a dreamy destination that is no closer. Sure there has been happy times, positivity and optimism along the way. But I am not where I want to be.
It’s a pretty crappy situation simply because, with current modern medicine, we have a limited number of goes at knocking this cancer into long term remission. It is only with long term remission that I will make the age of 80. Despite having a couple of attempts, I have never achieved such a remission, or any real holiday from the cancer. This scares me.
One consolation I can take from my journey is that lining every path I walk, I know that I have amazingly dedicated supporters cheering and supporting me. It certainly helps me continue to walk the path knowing that if I get tired or slip, that you will be there to pick me up. Thank you.
Take care.
Geoff
