Category: Onwards and Upwards

Onwards and Upwards No. 23

Hello my healing team,

I hope this update finds you well.

So the last week has been eventful.  Last Tuesday, I had a hemi-thyroidectomy.  My doctors decided to take half of my thyroid out as they had found a tumour in the right side and they couldn’t confirm whether it was cancerous or not until it had been removed.  By all accounts the operation went very well, and unfortunately for some, the surgeons hands were sure and steady and my vocal cords remain intact.  Suffice to say I can still talk the leg off a wooden chair, I can talk with a mouth full of marbles underwater, I retain my affinity for verbal diarrhoea.  Everyone’s a winner!!

The winning continued this week as it was confirmed that the tumour removed was benign.  My immediate query to the Dr was whether I required the surgery at all.  He did reassure me that removing the tumour was a positive step forward as benign tumours can turn malignant.  Winner!  So now I can relax my way into the weekend as the scar settles down, and my focus returns to Cancer No. 1.  I never thought I would be happy to only have one cancer.

When I first confronted the challenge of a second cancer, I was put into a bit of a spin.  I felt I was losing the wellness race, and that control was being wrestled from me.  I reflected on what I had learnt from being diagnosed with cancer 1. There were several key steps that I had to implement for me to reestablish control.

1. Establish a strong foundation of knowledge relating to the challenge
2. Reconfirm my focus areas so I can limit how far I share my energy
3. Continue to work towards my big goals by taking small steps
4. Seek assistance from those around me that would support me achieving my goals (including family, healing team, doctors, etc).

Winner!

Once I had retraced these steps, I found I knew what I had to do to continue to move forward in a positive manner towards my ultimate goals.  I had control.

Have a great weekend.

Take care

Geoff

Onwards and Upwards No. 22

Hello my healing team,

I hope this update finds you well!!

In my last update, I let you know that they have found a Hurthle Cell Tumour in my Thyroid.  They were planning to remove my thyroid in October. However, given this is a nasty type of thyroid cancer that I am not particularly fond of, I have wrangled, pushed, negotiated and finally insisted that my surgeon remove my thyroid ASAP.  Just before I threw my toys from the pram and had a tantrum, he caved in, so I will have half of my thyroid removed next Tuesday 22 September. As I understand it, this is a pretty straight forward operation. The main risk is that they accidentally cut my vocal cord which would mean I can’t speak. But hey, Sarah would enjoy the peace and quiet!  Thankfully, I will only be in hospital for one night, then I will be home for two weeks recovering.  So don’t be shy about dropping in over that time.  I will welcome the company. Please remember that I now only eat 90% dark chocolate.

Over the past 18 months, people often compliment me on my positive disposition. Positivity comes down to my mindset and my mindset is represented by the way I articulate my thoughts. It is represented by the words I use. So I ask you………What’s in a word??  There are a couple of select words that by either using them, or not using them, I live positivity. I will share with you my thoughts on a couple.

CAN’T.  My mum always said, “there is no such thing as Can’t”. So I work to live it.  If I am struggling with a challenge, I remind myself that there is no such thing as can’t. Therefore, I can!

BUT.  Using the word BUT shows either indecision or can inject negativity.  For example, I would go the the Blood Bank and give blood, BUT I don’t have the time. The first step to moving forward is the point when you make a decision. If you make a decision, there is no place for the word BUT.

WILL. Instead of using words like, I might, I should, I could or I would, I say I WILL. It clearly demonstrates my intent to myself and those around me. It is my demonstration of commitment. I WILL beat this disease.

So……..

If you want to move forward…..

If you want to implement change…..

If you want to make a commitment and stick to it…..

If you want to set a clear intentions for yourself and demonstrate to everyone around you what you want…………….then consider the words you use.  It is the difference between doing and considering, certainty and ambivalence, living success and wishing for it.

Have a great weekend.

Take care

Geoff

Onwards and Upwards No. 21

Hello my healing team,

I hope this update finds you well.

I often write about my experiences of coping during times of adversity.  In my experience, the adversity that I have been exposed to in my life has all had some level of associated stress. Adversity creates stress.  I think that stress can also lead to adversity.  Sadly, some events bring with them unprecedented levels of stress and it is during these events that we need either an inbuilt ability for tolerance, or some method to help us navigate and process the stress we face. It is our ability to cope with and to process stress that often governs how damaged we will be on the other side of the adverse experience.

I think of all of those times when I was highly stressed. More recently it has been related to my being unwell. But before becoming unwell, I had quite a bit of experience dealing with stress whether it was work related or was due to Richmond Tiger’s inability to string together a decent season of football.   Over the years, the stress that I have been exposed to has increased gradually so I have been able to acclimatise. I could function quite well in high stress situations. This ‘training’ certainly helped me deal with the adversity that I have recently endured. I could be thankful that I have endured high stress in the past as it has helped me deal with my current adversity.  Alternatively, I might also question whether that same stress made me more susceptible to becoming unwell in the first place?

With that thought, do you operate in a high stress environment?  Do you cope well or are you ignoring signs that could lead to you becoming unwell.  Could your stress be leading you to adversity?

Take care

Geoff

P.S – By the way, a recent PET scan has identified that I have a Hurthle Cell Tumour on the left side of my thyroid. This is an unrelated condition to the Myeloma.  It has a 70% chance of being benign and a 30% chance of being malignant.  Either way, I will have the left half of my thyroid removed in the coming months and have my fingers, legs and toes crossed that it is not cancerous.  Just a little more adversity to deal with……… and deal with it I shall.

Onwards and Upwards No 20

Hello my healing team,

I hope this update finds you well.

It has been a little while since I wrote my last update.  Whilst writing my updates is usually a sanctuary for me, I just haven’t felt like doing it.  I just haven’t had anything that I felt like sharing in this format.  I have been reflecting on my updates, and I want to use them as a tool to motivate people.  To show strength and lead by example. With that, sometimes I don’t always give a totally accurate account of the challenges and the adversity that my family and I face.  I have spoken with a few of you about my circumstance, but many I have not. This update is not intended as a ‘pity party’, it’s just me sharing with honesty.

I have a disease where statistics say that in eight years from now I won’t be here with you to share the good times or the bad, laugh with you or cry, to walk or talk.  I do everything I can to remain positive and I constantly tell myself (and others) that I will live until I am 80. But with this stat hanging over my head, my positivity is silently tested. It is further tested every time I read that another Myeloma patient has died.  I read that on a weekly basis and I can’t avoid that reality.

When I am struggling with my circumstance, I often brush the emotion away and tell myself that I must be strong!  I tell myself that I have to believe that I will live until I am 80.  Geeze, if I don’t fully believe it, how will the cancer get that message and know it needs to piss off? I try to use a voice or vibration strong enough so that it knows I am serious.  But when I see the stress and sadness in Sarah’s eyes as she struggles with the thought of losing her life partner, it breaks my resolve. I don’t give in, but it does become particularly real.  It also becomes real when I have that discussion with Sarah about me dying.  We never broached the subject before, but we did recently.  I spoke with confidence as I don’t think this will happen any time soon, but it sucks having to talk about how Sarah will manage after I am gone. How does Sarah manage when the kids are having a tough day, how does she manage when she is having a tough day, how do the kids manage without a dad, will Sarah have enough money to maintain the family, will the kids be able to do their activities, can she stay living where we do?  I am only 41.  Sarah is not yet 40. Why should we have to talk about this now?  It’s just crap.

Death is one aspect of cancer we have to face.  Dealing with cancer whilst alive is another aspect. Nearly 12 months ago, we all celebrated and danced a little jig when I found out that I had managed to achieve complete remission.  The great thing about being in remission was that whilst there, there was no disease progression. There were only (relatively) minor physical effects, and I could live pretending that I didn’t have cancer.  That paradise was shattered when I was told I had early disease progression.  Despite doing lots of positive things to maintain wellness and despite me ‘willing’ myself to maintain complete remission, cancer just laughed at me and quickly re-emerged.  F&@k you cancer!

The challenge of not being in remission is that I am now exposed again to its life changing effects.  At some stage soon I will recommence chemo.  Drugs that make you want to vomit, you feel pain and you feel tired.  I have to plan my weeks with doctors appointments, and I have to plan my months knowing that I may be recalled into hospital for a stem cell transplant.  The ‘allo’ stem cell transplant is my best chance at long term remission, but it also comes with it own stats.  Stats that say that 10-30% of people die from this procedure.  I quote that with hope because that means that roughly 80% of people survive, but it still sucks to have it on my horizon.

Regardless of what you have just read, when I see you next, I will smile, I will show positivity, I will be strong. I will interact with you in a very normal fashion and I hope you interact with me in the same way. After all………….I am going to be here into my 80s.

Onwards and Upwards.

Take care

Geoff

 

Onwards and Upwards No. 19

Hello my healing team,

I hope this update finds you well.

As you can imagine, the words “Early Disease Progression” are not the words I wanted to hear today. Disease progression bloody sucks, but for it to be “early”……geeze.  What a blow.  To keep it context, in October, I had 0.1% cancer cells in my bone marrow, February it was 0.8% and now it is 1.5%. That my friends is disease progression. It doesn’t sound a like a high number and the Nutty Professor says it is following the trend that stats says it will, but as I have iterated in the past, I really don’t like the prognosis associated with those stats.  If this trend continues, I will be back in hospital for another stem cell transplant quicker than you can say “rumplestiltskin” ten times.  The most distressing aspect of this all is that now I am heading into a space of uncertainty.  Control is being taken away again.

So what do I do now???

First, I need to stop and take a deep breath. Then;

1. I need to cut out the white noise that invades my thoughts, the same white noise that brings with it anxiety and doubt.
2. I need to focus and prioritise what is important.  Of course family and wellness comes first. I know what is important as they are imbedded in my goals.
3. I need to strive to improve. By following my gut instincts and researching, I can learn and modify what I do with improved learning.
4. I need to keep the door open for new people to enter, and with that, I need to be ready to change.  Change may bring the cure.

Overall, I just need to continue to be a good person.

Happy Friday.

Take care

Geoff