Month: April 2016

Onwards and Upwards No. 31

Hello my healing team,

I hope this update finds you well.

As I navigate my cancer journey, and reach out to people as I do, I often encounter people who say to me “you are so positive” and go on to describe how “being positive helps you overcome your disease”.  For me, it is nice to receive the compliment and it’s nice to see that others recognise my forward looking approach to life. However, when I think about positivity, it’s not all that it is made out to be. In my opinion, positivity can be a facade. You can easily exude positivity in front of others, and they will believe it, especially if they don’t know you well. You can wear positivity like a jacket, only for it to be stripped away when you are by yourself and vulnerable to the negative voices in your head.  On this basis, I wonder how beneficial positivity really is?? Whilst I acknowledge that being positive helps, will it really help me overcome my disease?  I don’t think it will………

Belief is what I rely on to get me over the line.  Belief is not a facade for others. It is within your core. It is part of you that can be tested, but not easily stripped away. If you truly believe, whilst the demons are screaming at you in your head, you can be unwavering in striving towards your goal. So what do I believe??

• I believe that I am doing the things necessary to help my mind and my body to fight cancer.
• I believe that I have the right people around me to provide love, support, sage advice and knowledge.
• I believe that I can overcome the challenges that come before me.
• I believe that I will live deliberately, achieve my goals and complete my bucket list items (only to make another bucket list).
• I believe that I will live into my 80s.

Belief by definition is the acceptance that something exists or is true, especially without proof.  I have acceptance that I will overcome my disease, even though there is no definitive proof.  In time, I will be the proof.

Do you believe you will achieve your goals??

Take care

Geoff

Onwards and Upwards No. 30

Hello my healing team,

I hope this update finds you well.

There is not much to report at the moment on the health front other than all is going quite well. Fatigue proves limiting, but I am thankful that it is manageable.   Last week,  I was talking with my amazingly supportive sister in-law, Corinne.  We were on holidays in Sydney and preparing for my youngest brothers wedding.  We were talking of how I juggle my time and my priorities and I reflected that I often feel guilty about how I manage myself, my time and my priorities.

Since being diagnosed with Myeloma, I have had to look at all aspects of my life and implement much change.  This includes my diet, my priorities, my daily routine, and especially, I changed by adopting a deliberate approach to life.  I have made these changes so that my mind and body is at its strongest to fight the cancer, and so that I give myself the best chance of living to the happy age of 80. However, occasionally I lapse. I eat crap food, I don’t exercise enough, I get distracted from my priorities, I fall back into my old ways, I relax.  When this happens, whilst it is normal for all of us, I feel guilty.  That feeling of guilt, can materialise as anxiety, with a shortness of breath and a knot in the belly.  The reason why I get that feeling of guilt is because if I am not constantly doing everything possible to stay strong, I may not get to 80.

Guilt and the associated anxiety can be detrimental.  In the past, there has been times when I have been overwhelmed by it and it has stopped me in my tracks.  Now, I treat guilt in a similar manner to all of my other challenges.  I acknowledge the feeling of guilt and I expose the way it makes me feel.  I talk about it to those close to me, after all, a problem shared is a problem halved.  Also, by sharing the challenge, I get to test whether the guilt I am feeling is justified.  If it is not, then I can brush it aside.  If the guilt is justified, then I treat that feeling as an alarm bell.  An alarm bell that wakes me from my assumed comfort, and reminds me that if I want to live to the age of 80, I cannot relax.  I have to eat well and exercise, I have to prioritise my family, I have to live deliberately.  I must stay strong.

Do you feel the anxiety of not doing enough??  If so, acknowledge it, share it with those close to you to test if it is real, then act.

Take care

Geoff